Friday, May 23, 2008

Help Me In My Unbelief!

Well it has been a week since my last post and I still feel raw, uncertain, and am swirling in my belief. I have surrendered to the words prophesied over me concerning His call to a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him but honestly I'm just not so sure of how to get there. I feel like I'm standing on a street corner knowing where I am supposed to go but really having no idea how to get there. I have thought about calling my mentors, asking for guidance and direction, but deep inside I feel like the 'man who refuses to stop and ask for directions'. I think I am supposed to 'find my way' on my own. How scary is that!

So I sit and ponder, think and pray, and yet I find myself like doubting Thomas or the man found in Mark 9:24 which says, "Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" And then I want to smack myself! All it takes is a walk outside or a moment sitting in the sunshine to know that there is a creator and yet I still waver in this unbelief. It is as though my unbelief lies in trying to understand 'how' I can have this amazing relationship with someone I cannot see . . . I want to see like Thomas! At this point I can feel some of my mentors smacking me now!

And then He takes me to the cross.

And I think, "How can I question?"


No comments: