Thursday, May 22, 2008

Do you trust Him now?

It's a busy week here on the heels of Memorial Day so I don't have anything profound for you, but something I think I'm meant to share. Because even though I feel like it is just me that struggles with this, probably not.

I don't trust God.

It hurts my heart to even write that, but it's true. I can pray and believe in mountain moving faith for basically anyone in Jesus'name, but for me?

It's a struggle.

My most recent experience was yesterday. My mom is in town, son has a concert, there are swim lessons, and other activities after a weekend of illness. I am not a spontaneous person by nature and I get a little freaked when my husband throws a new plan at me. I'm getting better but still, when he greets me with "I have to tell you something" my stomach sinks.

This time he called me on his way to work to let me know he went forward with an idea we'd been tossing around and researched together. We basically came to a decision but I had one more place I wanted him to check out. He did and turned out that was the best deal. So, the people were coming the next day. Sometime between 8-4.

I grew up watching my parents lose time from work because of the cable or gas man coming between that fantasy 8-4 that never came to pass. Oh woman of great faith, you'd think I'd dismiss those memories. I embraced them, wondering the rest of the day and night how I'd fare with my day shot waiting for someone that would never come.

I wake up and casually say to my husband, "Do you think I should call the cable company to confirm they are actually coming?" He gave a kind but emphatic no. He announced, "They will be here."

Right. While I miss a needed work out, a Bible study, writing time (no internet while I wait).


The cable guy came.

8:17 AM, by the way.

My husband asked as the man was diligently working on our request what I was feeling. I told him I feel like the Verizon commercial, but God is the one wearing the black specs asking,

"Do you trust Me now?"

My reading today is out of Mark 9 and boy can I relate. With hourly raising gas prices and other things on my mind, I still struggle. I want to trust Him, He should have earned that at the Cross. Like the father in Mark 9 I confess,

"I believe but help my unbelief!"

Can you relate?

Julie Arduini is a surrendered writer with her own blog, A graduate of the Christian Writers Guild, she blogs for the Christian Writers Forum Sundays as the mommy blogger and is the Forum's book club facilitator. She is active with FaithWriters and has several writings ready to publish in different books and anthologies in 2008-09. To get to know her better, read her interview by Lynda Schab at:

To contact Julie, please use the e mail provided in our profile.

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