Friday, January 9, 2009

I'm Back:)

Creak goes the sound of the gate as I re-open the door. It has been awhile, too long actually. It feels good to be back!!! The past few month have been filled with wonder and awe. I look forward to sharing it with you in the weeks ahead.

December came following a month of wandering for me. I had strayed some from my relationship with the Lord and I found myself feeling sad and lost, missing Him and knowing I, not He, was responsible for the place I was in. I had let the 'busyness' of life sweep me away along with feelings of disappointment and discouragement because things had not been going the way 'I' thought they should go. Yes, I was wallowing. Yet I knew in my heart, as Revelation 3:20 says, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with Me." He was at the door and I was 'acting' too busy to answer. So . . . I opened my bible, opened my heart, and opened the door. And the days ahead blew me away!

December was filled with new challenges, new experiences, and new focus - His focus for me instead of mine. I remember one evening working on my bible study lesson and the question before me was, "Is there some specific area in your life in which you think God wants you to exercise faith in His timing?"

"Are you kidding me! Do I really have to answer this and then see my words staring at me on the paper!"

I don't want to.

But I did.

I wrote.

And then I was accountable.

Was I willing now to surrender these areas in my life to God or was I going to continue to hold onto them like I had been doing for months, trying to make things work out my way? There they were, three words on a piece of paper, in my handwriting. Hmmm . . . what if I surrendered them and things did not go as I planned. After all, I knew the dreams in my heart, I knew what I wanted, I had great plans, . . . and they were good plans.

'Exercise faith in His timing,' not my timing, His.

That day I took the plunge. I was like the nervous kid standing at the end of the high dive. It was either jump or get down. I chose to jump.

The days began to pass by and new challenges were laid before me. God began stretching me in the areas of forgiveness, submission, and conflict resolution. When I say stretching I mean stretching, like the salt water taffy on that metal machine where the taffy gets puled and stretched over and over again. There were days when I wanted to scream "I can't do this" at my small group leader as she would gently say, "Let's look at what the word says." I wanted to scream at God saying, "How can you ask me to do this? Don't you know how they have hurt me. Forgive them?? They should be asking for my forgiveness." Yet He lovingly continued to show up in His word, at my small group, during my quiet/still prayer time with Him, through others, during worship time, in the car, in the pastor's sermons on Sunday, and in nature (the cardinal came back, along with a female). I had a choice, listen and obey or keep doing things my way. So I prayed and asked Him to give me strength. And He did.

In December I walked in His obedience. We attended the church my husband chose for us (and I love it) and I forgave and loved on the very family members who had hurt me for years. I listened and He spoke. I obeyed and He took over. I walked and He moved. And I was set free and blessed by it all.

And He was not done. After all of this took place He also opened another door for mission work for me. One beyond my dreams or expectations. Mission work, one of the 'areas' I had surrendered while doing my bible study lesson weeks prior. I learned that before He could fufill one of my dreams there were some other areas in my life He needed to refine and put to the test. Areas that needed to reflect Him and not me and my flesh. Areas that needed purified and 'cleaned up.' Areas were I needed to trust Him and give him a chance to work.

As we enter a new year I am so grateful for all He has taken me through. One of my resolutions was to leave any 'old baggage' in 2008 as I move forward. I look forward to the days ahead and invite you to look forward to them too.

Kim is a woman who loves the Lord and has a burden for the abandoned, the orphaned, and the forgotten. She has been called to minister to the people and children of Romania where she was "forever ruined" in Christ for the people. At home she cares for her three children and her husband John. She also loves prophetic worship and writing for the Lord.

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