Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Receiving a Gift I Never Asked For

I should've written this sooner. Truth is, I wanted to make sure.

I'm sure.

If you've ready anything of mine the past three years, you know I've struggled with poycystic ovaries and endometreosis severe enough to need a complete hysterectomy when I was 38. This put me in menopause, which I was experiencing symptoms of anyway, and the menopause issues have been interesting.

Before the hysterctomy my doctor put me on a low dose antidepressant to minimize these symptoms. He warned me to stay consistent with it as going cold turkey or not taking them on a regular basis would bring about not so fun times.

Before the medication I'm transparent enough to say there were days and weeks I was at any given time one, more, or all of the following: depressed, anxious, not sleeping, crying for no reason, starving, sweaty hot even after the smallest of movement and unable to focus.

When I started taking the medicine and then with the surgery some symptoms disappeared, most were so minimal it wasn't even an issue...unless I forgot my meds. That's the funny part about menopause, you lose your mind, and you need your mind to take the meds. I use to bask in my organizational skills and I couldn't remember if I took the meds or not. I'd wait a day and if I was a shaky unfocused mess, I knew I didn't. And so the cycle went.

Last week I attended a conference called Miracles, Signs and Wonders. Even if I was a follower of man, I honestly wouldn't know who to talk about from the conference because the process occurred during the entire conference with different speakers. Bottom line---it was a God thing. I went to that conference seeking Him and His strategies for me to pray for the area. That's it.

The first day I remember sitting down and wondering if I took my meds. The speaker that night talked about love and compassion but she also spoke of divine healing. There was no big fanfare, especially with me. I never went to the altar. I never reached my arms toward heaven seeking a change in my body. Honestly, I extended a hand forward and asked a blessing on all those who did. I wanted their pains to cease, their issues to change. I never thought about me.

I remembered, though, the next day to put the meds in my purse, but I didn't have a drink handy. I got busy listening to another speaker recall his healing, something so under the radar it took him awhile to realize God restored his sight to 20/20. I laughed out loud. I mean, really, who could miss such a thing?

The next morning I realized the meds were still there, untouched. I realize I've missed at least one day and as many as three, which for me should spell off the charts confusion, hot flashes, starving, and the whole ball of wax.

I felt nada. Instead, I felt focused. Warm, but not hot. Comfortable. Content.

Same for the next day,and the next, and the next, and well, same thing even as I write. Now I'm not taking the meds by design. The weather is in the 90's and although it's warm and I get hot like anyone else after working out or sitting directly in the sun, it's not even close to what I've been experiencing for years. Back is the wife who knows where the socks are and can remember to sign the permission slips and pay that bill.

Am I condoning ignoring doctor advice? No, I. am. not.

Am I sharing my story, which I'm proclaiming as a belated healing?

You betcha.

I don't know how God works and why He does what He does, or doesn't do what He doesn't do. All I know is I 'm going on at least a week with no meds and I'm calm, cool and collected. I'm extra thankful because I received something I didn't even ask for.



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