After All

I have had some very personal, bumps in my road of this life lately.

It would be so very easy for me to gripe and complain most of the day.

My flesh would like to lash out in my fear and anger that surrounds the sound of the enemy’s voice. I have been working on quieting his voice. It is a minute-by-minute conscious struggle.

Before I knew the Lord, I was a top-notch worrier.

I was so very good at it. I was taught by the best, could compete with the best.

I was also very well trained in the negativity department. I knew so very well how to over analyze and see the bad in any situation.

So when the enemy tries to come in now, these are the things he uses--
My thoughts mostly.

I am so grateful that I now have the ability to discern the voice of the enemy vs. the voice of the Lord.

I can sense evil before the thoughts even come.

I am so thankful to the Lord for choosing me, seeking me out, and finding me. If I didn’t know who he was these days, my life would be different. I have to admit that I continually fight the voice of evil, and some days I still let it in.

But I know that I know that my God is who He says He is. And He really is in control.
I am thankful for the road that He has prepared for me, and I know He is counting on me to follow His lead.

The good Pastor Osteen says often, “The enemy fights you the hardest when he knows God has something good in store for your life.”

I am fighting this good fight of faith and standing on His path—through His word and His promises. I am ready for the next turn or twist in the road—ready for what He has in store. I will keep my eyes fixed on Him, and I know His light will lead the way.

I have to trust Him.

I choose to trust Him.

After all, I’ve given Him my life.

Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy.Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program. Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis. She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia.
She is also a contributing author at http://www.mommiesmagazine.com/.Maria's first published work is in Jan Ross and Jeanice McDade's Women of Passion's anthology, "Ordinary Women Serving an Extraordinary God". Both Kim and Maria have been selected to have their work tentatively included in Lori Wagner's upcoming book, Quilting Patches of Life, Volume 2.

Trusting God as My Defender

Believe it or not, the cardinal sightings for us continue. Last week I received more to the puzzle, something that has been staring at me most of the year, yet I failed to recognize His message for me.

I was in a meeting confessing my double mindedness. I preach a message of surrender and yet for most of this year have held on to anger and mistrust towards God because financially, things did not work out the way I thought things would this year. At all. Instead of praising Him, I turned my back and actually made the situation worse through denial, spending anyway, and just pure rebellion.

As I confessed and repented, the ladies looked at me and smiled. One of them, who also has been seeing cardinals and having them dive bomb her, related her cardinal revelation with me by saying,

"Just how many times do you need to see a cardinal before you realize God is asking you to trust Him as your defender?"

It was so simple and dead on it was hysterical. As we googled cardinal earlier in the year, we learned the male cardinal is a defender and if I saw a male cardinal trying to get my attention once, it happened a dozen times. He dive bombed me at least three times.

And yet my anger and rebellion continued.

All the way home I kept praying the words, "Your banner over me is love and I want to trust You as my defender."

It's a process for me, I know this won't be an overnight change unless God deems it.

But I'm aware now.

He is my defender, and yours. And I really want to trust Him that way.

Do you?

Julie Arduini is a surrendered writer with her own blog, http://thesurrenderedscribe.blogspot.com/. A graduate of the Christian Writers Guild, she also blogs for the Christian Writers Forum Sundays as the mommy blogger. She is active with FaithWriters and has several writings ready to publish in different books and anthologies in 2008-09. One of the books will be a quote in Kathy Vick's Simon and Schuster/Howard's gift book, "Run Like a Girl."You can also find Julie the third Wednesday of each month over at Take Root and Write with her column, Finding Freedom through Surrender. She facilitates a group by the same name at the sister social networking site, Christian Women Take Root.

Trust Him

I have been learning a thing or two about trust these days. Once complete surrender has taken place, you automatically come to this place of trust that feels unlike anything else.
When you’re in the waiting---listening for His voice, looking everywhere for a glimpse of His face, seeking His touch on your life—it is very challenging to trust.

What I’ve learned the most this week is that in the midst of our waiting---He is there. But most of the time we don’t hear Him-- because we are too caught up in what we think the plan for our life should be.
We think we have it all taken care of, and He needs to give us some signal so that we’ll know He’ s on the same page as us!!!
‘Lean not to your own understanding”…..
We have been so accustomed to doing things in our own strength, that He’s just supposed to climb on board our thought life.
What we’re missing is that we must forget about our own thoughts and ideas and climb on board His grace boat--There we ride the waves of his love and peace, and trust naturally comes while we’re on the journey.
Once we get to the place of pure trust—wherever the boat docks—we must obey. Even if it is a place that we are unfamiliar with, or the destination doesn’t really fit the description we had in mind!

Receive His grace.
His promises are true.
Take His journey.

Surrender.
Trust.
Obey.

He really is who He says He is.


Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy.Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program.

Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis. She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia. She is also a contributing author at www.mommiesmagazine.com.

Maria's first published work is in Jan Ross and Jeanice McDade's Women of Passion's anthology, "Ordinary Women Serving an Extraordinary God". Both Kim and Maria have been selected to have their work tentatively included in Lori Wagner,s upcoming book, Quilting Patches of Life, Volume 2.

Maria is very passionate about getting the word out to special parents that they are not alone in their journey of raising their special child; and that they were chosen by God to parent their children. Maria welcomes comments and communication as well as invitations for her to speak to your group.

Counting Down

The countdown has begun . . . I leave for Romania in one month. A friend asked "Do you still have some room in your suitcase for supplies?" My reply, "So far I only have $265 in donations and a bag of thermometers, yes there is plenty of room."

One month away and each day as I open the empty mailbox it is as though I can hear a voice saying, "Do you trust me?"

Honestly my response is, "Yes I do."

Eighteen years ago the Lord laid a country and His hurting people on my heart. For years I prayed for Him to 'use' me to bring hope and change to the face of abuse and abandonment. And for years I was frustrated and puzzled as to why the doors did not open. And now here I stand, covered in His grace and love ready for all He has in store. Looking back . . . I was not ready. I believed in God and Jesus but I was not in a personal relationship with them. I had areas in my own personal life that needed healed and restored before I could help bring healing and restoration to other hurting people. I also had to learn about who God really was, why He sent His one and only son, and what being a 'follower of the way' was really about. I needed to open my mind and heart, accepting his love and forgiveness . . . forgiveness . . . especially learning how to love and forgive myself. As one wise mentor said, "When we do not accept His forgiveness and keep going back to our sin it is like saying His dying on the cross was not good enough."

( heartlight.org)

So today when I think about all He has done in my life, how He has equipped and prepared me for such a time as this, I can look at that empty mailbox and respond, "Yes I trust Him! And to this I shout, "Amen!"

Keep us in your prayers, Kim

Breaking Free

What I love about blogging different places throughout cyberspace is each place gives me a different voice, but they all are a part of me. I enjoy being humorous at Take Root and Write or the Surrendered Scribe, and it's encouraging when I can share my mom/reader/writer heart over at the Christian Writers Forum blog. Here, I tend to be the deep thinker, which definitely is a big part of who I am. When you add it all together, I'm quite the diverse package. The common thread, I hope, is that I'm always authentic.

Sunday I participated in a meme about 8 Random Things. I blended the silly with the serious, and I received a lot of feedback on my last random thing. I have a feeling I hit a chord of sorts, and I'll share it here. I'll end the post by sharing the Psalm I read the same day. Amazing how God works. It's like He knows what I'm feeling and what I need! (I'm grinning with sarcasm).

Here is the last random thing:

I finally verbalized even though it's been deep in my spirit for
months that I don't trust God (now, this time) because every time I do,
something goes horribly wrong with our health and/or insurance. This year, it
took til the first week of January for us to have a child ER visit AND to learn
that our insurance was so screwed up they had to give us all new insurance with
a retroactive start date. However it was all new in how it worked, so to pay the
co pays, it was taken off our med card that we could not adjust after we agreed
on the amount. We even added extra to cover surprises. We paid for braces and
had the extra, until the new insurance. We have been paying out of pocket since
June. I realize many people have no insurance at all and I grieve over that. Yet
I'm sharing a random thing you need to know. Would you pray for me to trust God
once and for all?

It was hard as "The Surrendered Scribe" to not only admit I don't trust God, but get specific about why. My husband is very good about pointing out the 99 things going right in our lives. Me? I zoom in on that one thing that went far out of my comfort zone. I honestly believe the health issues I deal with are a direct result from working myself crazy a couple years ago taking care of our daughter and the insurance battles. To realize right off the bat in 2008 that we needed not only completely new insurance, but the same name as the insurance we battled with, I closed my spirit big time. With the work fund for co pays tapped out, and then in June our med card tapped out, and still have out of pocket expenses to pay because the deductible isn't met, well I haven't handled this with joy and thanksgiving. Not even close.

What I keep stewing about is that we even put extra last fall on the med card for the unexpected. We knew we were paying for braces, we knew some of our medicines and appointments. But the new insurance and the way it did things with the deductible, we had no idea last fall. God did, but all this year, it hasn't been good enough for me.

To admit that in that random thing freed me and I can picture God pumping His fist saying, yes! Finally! The enemy is losing his grip on me because I'm finally speaking the truth instead of stewing. Things are not as bad as a couple years back, and that ended in such a miraculous fashion. We know now what to do next year. It will work out.

But my real name needs to be the surrendering scribe because I haven't mastered anything on my journey with the Lord. Yet He's so gracious and good. I've been reading the Bible online with the year program in a new to me translation (link to that is on the right of this blog) and here was my reading for Sunday out of Psalm 77.

1.
I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.
2.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.
3.
I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. "Selah"
4.
You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.
5.
I thought about the former days, the years of long ago;
6.
I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
7.
"Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again?
8.
Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time?
9.
Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?" "Selah"
10.
Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11.
I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12.
I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.
13.
Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?
14.
You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.
15.
With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph. "Selah"
16.
The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed.
17.
The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.
18.
Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked.
19.
Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.
20.
You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

I love it. Just like me, the Psalm starts out melancholy and ends with hope.

I pray His message encourages you today, too.

The Grocery Doors

I wish I could take credit for the word picture I'm about to give you to think about, but the original story comes from Joy Chickonoski, and sharing it with you is confirmation of a prayer time I had last month. When I was prayed for the person shared that I am a scribe (true) and that I absorb what I see, say and learn so that I can share it with others. Well I remember this story, and it's a perfect fit for what my child went through earlier this week.

Typically our oldest gets home at 3:15. Yesterday, the first day of school, 3:15 came and no child. At 3:25, my phone rang. It was him and he missed the bus. No problem, we live close by and I got him.

When we got home though, he fell apart. He was scared enough that he couldn't remember our phone number and that threw him into a panic. He thought he was in trouble. Once he was safely home he realized he had to go through the same process again. Maybe the bus situation would work out, maybe not.

With that, the whispers started. I bet you know them too.

"You're going to have a bad day."

"You'll never figure this out."

"You're going to fail."

"You have no business doing this."

By dusk, he was doubled over with stomach cramps and a headache. Fear had a vise grip on him. We went for a walk and together we prayed the fear would be sent packing in Jesus' name. Taking a step further, I felt God asking me to pray that the generational curse of fear over our family would be destroyed in Jesus' name.

For us, this means I can trace back to my life, one of my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and other family members from both sides who carried/carry fear in their choices. My own example was as a child was I was so scared of art that I would hardly sleep the night before. When my alarm clock would sing, I judged whether the art day would go well on how fast I could get the numbers back to zero. I was desperate for reassurance and full of fear.

I boldly stand under His authority and claim the fear cycle stops yesterday.

But just because the fear was renounced, does everything magically disappear? Not in my case, and so far, not in our son's. We have to choose to believe faith is the victor. We can't choose both fear and faith. But when you're ten and you aren't sure the bus is going to be there for you, what do you do?

Well here is where we need to visualize the grocery doors. You know the automatic doors that nter as soon as you step on the mat? Well that's faith. Do you ever worry about those grocery doors opening? Probably not. You believe they will open and they do.

So it is with life with Christ at the helm. You can't see what comes around the corner, but you have to trust He is there. You have to trust He's in control of that bus coming, that diagnosis being under His care, those finances provided for, whatever it is, He's that grocery door.

How about you? Are you still listening to those nasty whispers and believing the lies? Are you approaching your faith like automatic grocery doors or Fort Knox?

It's a choice.

Just so you know, as hard as I prayed for him, 3:30 came today and went with no child. No call either. My heart knew he was on the bus or I would have a call. My stomach cranked out the waves of panic rising. I literally had to picture open grocery doors and speak truth as I encouraged my son to do. I did call the bus garage to make sure at 3:45 all was well, and I learned the driver didn't see him in the back and missed him on the route and left him for last. He came home happy and stress free. I chose faith, eventually, so I'm learning right with you!

Julie Arduini is a surrendered writer with her own blog, http://thesurrenderedscribe.blogspot.com/. A graduate of the Christian Writers Guild, she also blogs for the Christian Writers Forum Sundays as the mommy blogger. She is active with FaithWriters and has several writings ready to publish in different books and anthologies in 2008-09. One of the books will be a quote in Kathy Vick's Simon and Schuster/Howard's gift book, "Run Like a Girl."You can also find Julie the third Thursday of each month over at Take Root and Write with her column, Finding Freedom through Surrender. She facilates a group by the same name at the sister social networking site, Christian Women Take Root.

Re Visiting The Cable Guy

I'm still away from the computer so let's revisit one that still strikes a chord with me. Why? Because I'm not sure I've grown here too much since writing this one. My heart is to encourage others to surrender their fears yet here I am...still doubting the cable guy, God, and everything else.

How about you?

Do You Trust Him Now?

Beginning To Fly

(We found this gorgeous image HERE)

(For my last post, “Ready to Fly” click here…)

As I begin to expand my wings, I’m finding a few challenges as well as a new sense of freedom. My wings are a little sticky and almost stiff from the position they have been if for so very long in my cocoon. So as they begin to open (in kind-of slow motion) I am hesitant to start to stretch them out…I have encountered some resistance, but at the same time, as I begin to move my wings freely, it is beginning to get easier. I trust that my wings will be held up on the wind by Him.

I trust.

I’ve surrendered.

I know now (finally!)—Hi is in control of all things—He has created me to be His butterfly---He created me to go through this metamorphosis for the exact amount of time He intended.

He is, in fact, in control.

If I worry about things, it won’t change the outcome of anything. If I’m anxious and allow my thoughts to take over, it won’t make the end result any different. He is ordering my steps and has ordained this time for me to fly.

The color and shape of my wings are perfectly made by Him.

So are yours.

Have you surrendered?

Do you trust Him completely?

I feel free to fly and glide against the wind current of His love. He is holding me and keeping me in the air.

It is an exhilarating sensation.

I feel that the weights I’ve carried in my mind for far too long have finally been lifted.
I have made the conscious choice to surrender all. I’ve given up all to Him. I am grateful for the time I’ve spent in my cocoon. My metamorphosis has been a sometimes uncomfortable, but worthwhile experience.

If your cocoon has begun to get hotter and more uncomfortable recently…

Get ready.

He’s changing you.

He’s molding you.

He’s challenging you.

He wants you to trust Him completely.

Get ready.

His freedom is waiting.

Did you know the Narrow Gate Girls are spreading our wings over at Take Root and Write? We are monthly columnists on topics of adoption, special needs families, and finding freedom through surrender. There are many amazing writers over there covering a lot of great topics. In addition, you can find Kim and Julie (and maybe Maria soon) at the sister site, Christian Women Take Root. CWTR is a social networking sites where if you want you can personalize your page, add a music player, pictures, join groups, and more. You can best find Kim with the adoption group, and Julie with the surrender group. We appreciate you reading wherever you find us!

Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy.

Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program. Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis.

She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia. She is also a columnist over with Kim, Julie and other writers over at http://www.takerootandwrite.com/ Maria's column is on encouraging special needs familes.

She is also a contributing author at www.mommiesmagazine.com. Maria's first published work is in Jan Ross and Jeanice McDade's Women of Passion's anthology, "Ordinary Women Serving an Extraordinary God". The book is available for purchase by clicking on the book image on the right side of this blog.

Maria is very passionate about getting the word out to special parents that they are not alone in their journey of raising their special child; and that they were chosen by God to parent their children. Maria welcomes comments and communication as well as invitations for her to speak to your group.

Waist Deep With Kim

Today I am standing waist deep in my faith like a child standing in the ocean looking straight ahead. I have reached a point where I refuse to look back at the shore and I am only anticipating the beauty ahead. I have to believe, there is no other choice, no other option.

It has taken me awhile to arrive here. At times I started wading in only to run for the shore when the first wave hit. Other times I refused to step in at all and stood on the shore watching others wade in. But today is different. Today I am standing in my faith and I am choosing to keep walking in until it is time to swim.

How did I arrive here? As I posted several weeks ago, through prayer and prophecy, the Lord was calling me into a more intimate relationship with Him. At the time I was struggling because I had no idea how to get there. It was as though I had a destination but no map or direction of which way to go. So this past month I pressed in and spent lots of time alone with Him. I read, prayed, fasted, and just chatted with Him. I questioned, pondered, and really allowed Him to go deep into my heart and bring closure to several 'open areas' in my life. At times I felt scared, frustrated, and lonely - uncertain about what was going on and fearful that I would remain in such a 'separate' place, not separate from Him but from others. Then some amazing things began to happen. My husband and I both had vivid dreams which brought hope and revelation, confirmation came forth on decisions we had been contemplating, and the Lord began to reveal the plans He has for our lives. It was as though He and I, working together, needed to remove the 'pain' and 'junk' in my heart before we could move forward. And ultimately I needed to say, "Yes I trust you!"

Kim is a woman who loves the Lord and has a burden for the abandoned, the orphaned, and the forgotten. She has been called to minister to the people and children of Romania and will be traveling internationally in the days ahead. At home she cares for her three children and her husband John. She also loves prophetic worship and writing for the Lord. Her work can also be found at Take Root and Write where she wrties with fellow Narrow Gate Girls Julie Arduini & Maria Spencer, among other Christian writers. Kim also maintains her blog http://divingintohisgrace.blogspot.com/