Receiving a Gift I Never Asked For

I should've written this sooner. Truth is, I wanted to make sure.

I'm sure.

If you've ready anything of mine the past three years, you know I've struggled with poycystic ovaries and endometreosis severe enough to need a complete hysterectomy when I was 38. This put me in menopause, which I was experiencing symptoms of anyway, and the menopause issues have been interesting.



Before the hysterctomy my doctor put me on a low dose antidepressant to minimize these symptoms. He warned me to stay consistent with it as going cold turkey or not taking them on a regular basis would bring about not so fun times.

Before the medication I'm transparent enough to say there were days and weeks I was at any given time one, more, or all of the following: depressed, anxious, not sleeping, crying for no reason, starving, sweaty hot even after the smallest of movement and unable to focus.

When I started taking the medicine and then with the surgery some symptoms disappeared, most were so minimal it wasn't even an issue...unless I forgot my meds. That's the funny part about menopause, you lose your mind, and you need your mind to take the meds. I use to bask in my organizational skills and I couldn't remember if I took the meds or not. I'd wait a day and if I was a shaky unfocused mess, I knew I didn't. And so the cycle went.

Last week I attended a conference called Miracles, Signs and Wonders. Even if I was a follower of man, I honestly wouldn't know who to talk about from the conference because the process occurred during the entire conference with different speakers. Bottom line---it was a God thing. I went to that conference seeking Him and His strategies for me to pray for the area. That's it.

The first day I remember sitting down and wondering if I took my meds. The speaker that night talked about love and compassion but she also spoke of divine healing. There was no big fanfare, especially with me. I never went to the altar. I never reached my arms toward heaven seeking a change in my body. Honestly, I extended a hand forward and asked a blessing on all those who did. I wanted their pains to cease, their issues to change. I never thought about me.

I remembered, though, the next day to put the meds in my purse, but I didn't have a drink handy. I got busy listening to another speaker recall his healing, something so under the radar it took him awhile to realize God restored his sight to 20/20. I laughed out loud. I mean, really, who could miss such a thing?

The next morning I realized the meds were still there, untouched. I realize I've missed at least one day and as many as three, which for me should spell off the charts confusion, hot flashes, starving, and the whole ball of wax.

I felt nada. Instead, I felt focused. Warm, but not hot. Comfortable. Content.

Same for the next day,and the next, and the next, and well, same thing even as I write. Now I'm not taking the meds by design. The weather is in the 90's and although it's warm and I get hot like anyone else after working out or sitting directly in the sun, it's not even close to what I've been experiencing for years. Back is the wife who knows where the socks are and can remember to sign the permission slips and pay that bill.

Am I condoning ignoring doctor advice? No, I. am. not.

Am I sharing my story, which I'm proclaiming as a belated healing?

You betcha.

I don't know how God works and why He does what He does, or doesn't do what He doesn't do. All I know is I 'm going on at least a week with no meds and I'm calm, cool and collected. I'm extra thankful because I received something I didn't even ask for.

Blessed?

Um...YEAH!



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Surrendering the good, the bad, and---maybe one day---the chocolate

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We Give Thanks

The Narrow Gate Girls are thankful for so many things.



































The grace Jesus has lavishly given us (and you, if you accept it)

Our marriages

Our families

Our many blessings

which include...

YOU.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I Like it Bold

If you knew me growing up, I might have across as confident, but it was the furthest thing from the truth. I had a lot of self esteem issues and unresolved anger. It's my faith, time, and a whole lotta tears that have transformed me from the inside out.

I realized that in the past year, bold is a new part of my identity. My sister remarked that my coffee smells so bold it stings her nose when she walked into my kitchen. It's true. I'm someone who never drank coffee before. I switched off of espresso to Italian Roast because the espresso wasn't bold enough. Tea? That's just dark water to me (sorry my tea friends).

Even my wardrobe is bold. I've never been a small frame girl and a year after surgery, my body type is I think an apple and a pear. It's not pretty and yet I've never felt better in and out. God performed surgery on more than my girl parts, He changed my heart. I get, totally get, that I'm His favorite. Don't get me wrong, I totally get YOU are HIS favorite too. I'll spend my waking moments encouraging you with this truth. As I walk with this extra weight, different body and freedom of identity, my colors are bold. I wear deep purples, blues, corals. For the first time, I want people to look at me. Not because I'm covergirl material, but because I'm feeling bold. I want you to see Him when you look at me, and I'm bold enough to hopefully get your attention.

My actions are a lot bolder. I've always wanted to help people or let them know the nice things I think but for decades wouldn't for fear that you would be too busy to deal with me, or I'd be bothering you. No more! If I'm in your way I'm believing you'll let me know. If I feel moved to do something it's with what I have and am. I'm not Paula Deen nor am I Martha Stewart. I cook and bake simple and my accessories probably mismatch. But I'm done sitting in the shadows wishing I could do more.

I'm bold---believing, offering, living and dreaming.

How about you?

(This originally appeared in a group message over on the Facebook group: Julie Arduini: The Surrendered Scribe


Julie Arduini is a writer and public speaker residing in NE Ohio with her husband and two children. Her heart is to encourage readers to find freedom through surrender. She knows that has to start with her, so she's surrendering the good, the bad, and maybe one day, the chocolate. She'd love if you bookmarked her website and signed her blog guest book at JulieArduini.com. She also went all techie and created a gadget you can use on your iGoogle page. Feel free to add it and tell others---be bold!

photo courtesy photobucket

Insignificant Significance

Where does the time go? The praise is I had the pleasure of seeing Kim yesterday and God is on the move with her, Maria, and me. I sensed a theme going on in my prayer closet and wondered if it was just me.

Turns out the more intercessors I meet with and talk to, the more this message comes up:

We're learning how insignificant significance is.

For those that want to learn more, I listened to a Lance Wallnau presentation on basic needs. It didn't take long for me to realize one of my needs is significance.

Thank the Lord He's set me free from what I call the Sally Field stronghold. You know it, the "You like me, you really like me" addiction. I know that life well, and I do not want to return to that captivity. I thought significance was conquered through that healing.

I'm catching up on previous Smallville seasons and my attitude mirrored what I saw in a Season 8 episode. It's a long story but one character had a chip implanted in her brain with a final purpose of controlling her. When she was set free, she vomited up a ball of junk, all the computer stuff that had a hold on her.

I feel like I'm coughing up balls of snark. God has done so much in and around me, and it's been big lately. Things I prayed for, stood in the gap over, are in the midst or done. It is amazing, and all Him. I should be jumping for joy.

Instead, I'm snarky. Fleshy. Woe is me. The last two years as I prayed, "stuff" happened. Rejection, criticism, confrontations, things from left field that with His help, I stood steady and kept praying. Now that the waves calmed down---

I want apologies. I want a pat on the shoulder. I want, I want, I want.

Significance.

I wish I had the answers, but the direction I sense to take is it's time to shed the old wineskin, old ways of doing things, old thoughts, old grudges, just get rid of it. I have to take these things to the cross and put on that new wineskin.

The wineskin that has a whole lot less of Julie and a whole lot more of Jesus.

Now THAT is significant.


Julie Arduini is a writer and public speaker residing in NE Ohio with her husband and two children. She is definitely going to the cross over significance. She thanks the Lord for His grace as she surrenders fear and creates a website and opens herself up for full time ministry. Learn more at JulieArduini.com

Alter Call

photo from Flickr

Last night I was at a concert where our home church was the message and entertainment. One of our pastors was giving his testimony. I turned around to see the sound booth above and a projector giving the order of service.

The projection read thank you and alter call.

I turned again. Alter call? Isn't it altar call?

Or is it alter call?

Listening to the testimony I realized perhaps the correct spelling is altar, but the application is alter. I know when I step forward with that "burn in my belly" it's because I know God has something for me. It's going to transform me into a closer image of Him. It might not be that moment or that week, but it will happen.

And it will be altering.

Think about the next altar call you experience. Do you go forward? Do you respond in your seat? Do you respond at all? If you do, do you go forward in faith your life will change?

Do you ever respond to an alter call?



Julie Arduini is a wife, mom and surrendering writer. Her personal blog, The Surrendered Scribe, shows her writing resume. A graduate of the Christian Writers Guild, she is also a columnist with Take Root and Write. She has a tentative story to contribute to the Jeanette Littleton book, GodSightings. Her verse for 2009 is Deuteronomy 11:11-12. She's a new columnist with the daily online newspaper, The Cypress Times.

After All

I have had some very personal, bumps in my road of this life lately.

It would be so very easy for me to gripe and complain most of the day.

My flesh would like to lash out in my fear and anger that surrounds the sound of the enemy’s voice. I have been working on quieting his voice. It is a minute-by-minute conscious struggle.

Before I knew the Lord, I was a top-notch worrier.

I was so very good at it. I was taught by the best, could compete with the best.

I was also very well trained in the negativity department. I knew so very well how to over analyze and see the bad in any situation.

So when the enemy tries to come in now, these are the things he uses--
My thoughts mostly.

I am so grateful that I now have the ability to discern the voice of the enemy vs. the voice of the Lord.

I can sense evil before the thoughts even come.

I am so thankful to the Lord for choosing me, seeking me out, and finding me. If I didn’t know who he was these days, my life would be different. I have to admit that I continually fight the voice of evil, and some days I still let it in.

But I know that I know that my God is who He says He is. And He really is in control.
I am thankful for the road that He has prepared for me, and I know He is counting on me to follow His lead.

The good Pastor Osteen says often, “The enemy fights you the hardest when he knows God has something good in store for your life.”

I am fighting this good fight of faith and standing on His path—through His word and His promises. I am ready for the next turn or twist in the road—ready for what He has in store. I will keep my eyes fixed on Him, and I know His light will lead the way.

I have to trust Him.

I choose to trust Him.

After all, I’ve given Him my life.

Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy.Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program. Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis. She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia.
She is also a contributing author at http://www.mommiesmagazine.com/.Maria's first published work is in Jan Ross and Jeanice McDade's Women of Passion's anthology, "Ordinary Women Serving an Extraordinary God". Both Kim and Maria have been selected to have their work tentatively included in Lori Wagner's upcoming book, Quilting Patches of Life, Volume 2.

One Day at a Time

Maria wears a lot of hats and one of them is as a columist with Mahoning Parent magazine. She finds as she encourages special need families with her own experiences, many of those writings are God breathed and fit in here as well. This is the case with today's post!


I have been on this special parenting journey for six years now, and the most valuable thing I have learned recently is that we have to take this one day at a time. Some days, one hour at a time…can you relate?

My prayer this month is that you will become more aware of the precious present with your child—and not be consumed by the next appointment, treatment or therapy that you have scheduled or would like to try. Our kids are doing amazing things right before our eyes—and sometimes we don’t even realize it.

This took me a very long time to see. I enjoy my daughter—all of her—now more than I ever did. I enjoy both her strengths and her weaknesses, because they both are a part of who she is. For far too long, I focused on the limitations of her body, instead of seeing all of the amazing things she was capable of. And in the meantime, I missed out on so much valuable time with her that I can never get back.
In order to accomplish focusing on her capabilities, I had to first change the way I thought about the disability that is only a part of her. Honestly, this took time. Changing the way we think about the disability itself takes time.

If you are still in the process of accepting the disability—changing the way you think about it will naturally fall into place. With acceptance comes a certain amount of peace—peace in your mind, mostly. That’s how it played out for me. I was searching for some kind—any kind of peace so I could take care of my many other responsibilities in my life, and still know my daughter was going to be OK—no matter what the outcome of the next thing we were going to do for her was going to be. I knew this peace was the only thing that would enable me to take just one day at a time, and enjoy the beauty of the person that God made her to be. Webster’s definition of peace is, “freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction or anxiety; serenity, tranquility.”

Some people find this peace in research—books, articles that have proven to have solved something related to their child’s different abilities. Others find it in sharing their experiences with other families that understand. Still others find it in a non-stop race to find the latest therapy or tool that may get their child to accomplish their next goal.

All of these things are great, and I’ve been in and through them all…
But in the midst of each and every one, I didn’t feel content. Sure, my intentions were good, but I was driven by fear and worry for the future. The opposite of peace is worry. You can’t have them both at the same time. Our minds weren’t wired that way.

I finally found this peace through God and His word.

There, I found my feelings put into words—coupled with words of encouragement and hope for the future. Not just for my future as a mom—but hope for my daughter, and my entire family. My faith in God and the fact that He chose me to be Olivia’s mother is what gets me through each hour, each day—and all the future appointments to come. You see, I’ve given all of the decision-making to Him. He’s the light on my path of this journey, and since I came to know who He is, it’s amazing—I can see the road so much clearer! With Him leading my way, I am able to truly enjoy my daughter, instead of worrying about her future. This peace is so very special to me.

I encourage you to find your own peace, so you too can know you are not taking this journey alone. I’m not claiming I have this calm, tranquil peace each and every hour--but I do know that with God by my side, I have the strength to walk this journey one day at a time.



Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy.Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program. Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis. She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia.
She is also a contributing author at http://www.mommiesmagazine.com/.Maria's first published work is in Jan Ross and Jeanice McDade's Women of Passion's anthology, "Ordinary Women Serving an Extraordinary God". Both Kim and Maria have been selected to have their work tentatively included in Lori Wagner's upcoming book, Quilting Patches of Life, Volume 2.

His Ways Are Not My Ways...

Well, last week I wrote of a door the Lord has recently opened in my life.
He has petitioned me to be a worship leader.
I look back at that post and kind-of chuckle.
Oh wise me---I asked the Lord to open a door, I knocked—and He answered.

What I didn’t realize or want to admit last week was that I had a grand picture of what it was going to look like on the other side of that door.

Then, He showed me His picture—and boy was it different than mine.

And then He reminded me that He had been the one that placed this gift inside me.
And He is the one that gave me the spirit of leadership many, many years ago.
And He is the one that placed the desire in my heart to lead worship.

Now I was to do it His way.

His thoughts are not my thoughts.
His timing is not my timing.
His ways are not my ways.
And as the good Pastor Osteen would say, “The enemy fights you the hardest when God has something great in store for you…”

And in the midst of my frustration last week, because He knew I would not be reminded of these things on my own, He sent my many wonderful sisters in Christ to remind me of these things He placed in my heart—and to not be weary.

All of you know who you are, and once again, I feel blessed that He has placed all of you amazing women of God in my life.

One of my sisters said something like, “If He showed you the end of this hallway behind His door right now, you would never take one step through the door. Because what He has in store for you is beyond your thinking, and if you knew the details, you would be too scared to take the step.”

So I will trust that He has gone before me and prepared the way. He is lining up all of the hearts and spirits of people to receive the way He wants me to usher people into His presence.

His way, not mine.

So if you have a dream in your heart that you know He put there--- you must be willing to trust each and every step to Him.

And the only doors He will unlock are those that require you to lean your entire being on Him….

Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy.Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program. Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis. She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia. She is also a contributing author at www.mommiesmagazine.com.Maria's first published work is in Jan Ross and Jeanice McDade's Women of Passion's anthology, "Ordinary Women Serving an Extraordinary God". Both Kim and Maria have been selected to have their work tentatively included in Lori Wagner's upcoming book, Quilting Patches of Life, Volume 2.

The 24 Hour Difference

Image from Classroom Clipart

You can also find this post at The Surrendered Scribe

As you know, I'm originally from Upstate NY and that's where I was on September 11. That day is so seared in memory that I don't even need to tell you the year, you know. You remember exactly what you were doing that day.

I lived far enough away from NYC (in fact in OH I'm the same distance away pretty much) that the terror of that day affected me like most of the world. Shock, grief, sadness, the gamut of emotions associated with loss. Yet because I was far enough away, I did not lose any family members or loved ones as thousands did.

The day changed me though, I bet it did you too. How many of you refer to September 10? Do you remember what you were doing that day? I know I don't. I remember after the 11th thinking about how I had been in the Big Apple two weeks before. I didn't give a thought about my safety then. Now anytime I see a plane in the sky I pray for their safety. What a difference a day makes.

I know of one family that changed their lives because of the 11th. They didn't want to keep taking life as they did on September 10. They realized life is short and you are not promised the next day, yet boy, do we take it for granted.

I'm a deep thinker, maybe too deep I suppose, but I wondered and still do about choices. How many people on September 10 started a rebellious relationship? Ended one? Found out they were pregnant? Ended a pregnancy? Forgave someone? Held a grudge? Started over? Kept the same routine thinking, I'll change tomorrow? Had another drink, or went to another casino when bills were due and family was concerned? How many on September 10 said I'm starting this--or---I'm ending it?

I pray, truly pray there is not another day ever like September 11 for any country. I often think of Israel where that thought is daily for them. They lived with strict travel and military a lot longer than we ever have because they had to. But again, we are not promised a second. Is there anything today that if you knew tomorow would change everything for everyone, you'd do different?

I'm just asking, you don't have to answer.

If you have questions though, my hope is like that family that switched things around in their lives after the 11th, that you seek a Bible believing and reading church, a clergyperson with the same foundation as that, grounded in Christ. Maybe a Bible study, many YMCA's are treating the "C" in YMCA as it was always intended, about Christ. If you want to take a private step for now, I always encourage people to get a Bible they are comfortable with (I suggest NIV only because I truly can not grasp formal language like King James and was intimidated by it as a seeking person) and read the book of John. Take a chapter a day and each day for a month, ask God to show Himself to be real (oh, He will, I promise) and to give you the tools to make whatever changes you feel are necessary.

Wake up September 12, Lord willing, with no regrets.

And let's not forget the people who gave all so we could have another chance at another day.

Julie Arduini is a surrendered writer with her own blog, http://thesurrenderedscribe.blogspot.com/. A graduate of the Christian Writers Guild, she also blogs for the Christian Writers Forum Sundays as the mommy blogger. She is active with FaithWriters and has several writings ready to publish in different books and anthologies in 2008-09. One of the books will be a quote in Kathy Vick's Simon and Schuster/Howard's gift book, "Run Like a Girl."You can also find Julie the third Thursday of each month over at Take Root and Write with her column, Finding Freedom through Surrender. She facilates a group by the same name at the sister social networking site, Christian Women Take Root.