I'm Back:)

Creak goes the sound of the gate as I re-open the door. It has been awhile, too long actually. It feels good to be back!!! The past few month have been filled with wonder and awe. I look forward to sharing it with you in the weeks ahead.

December came following a month of wandering for me. I had strayed some from my relationship with the Lord and I found myself feeling sad and lost, missing Him and knowing I, not He, was responsible for the place I was in. I had let the 'busyness' of life sweep me away along with feelings of disappointment and discouragement because things had not been going the way 'I' thought they should go. Yes, I was wallowing. Yet I knew in my heart, as Revelation 3:20 says, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with Me." He was at the door and I was 'acting' too busy to answer. So . . . I opened my bible, opened my heart, and opened the door. And the days ahead blew me away!

December was filled with new challenges, new experiences, and new focus - His focus for me instead of mine. I remember one evening working on my bible study lesson and the question before me was, "Is there some specific area in your life in which you think God wants you to exercise faith in His timing?"

"Are you kidding me! Do I really have to answer this and then see my words staring at me on the paper!"

I don't want to.

But I did.

I wrote.

And then I was accountable.

Was I willing now to surrender these areas in my life to God or was I going to continue to hold onto them like I had been doing for months, trying to make things work out my way? There they were, three words on a piece of paper, in my handwriting. Hmmm . . . what if I surrendered them and things did not go as I planned. After all, I knew the dreams in my heart, I knew what I wanted, I had great plans, . . . and they were good plans.

'Exercise faith in His timing,' not my timing, His.

That day I took the plunge. I was like the nervous kid standing at the end of the high dive. It was either jump or get down. I chose to jump.

The days began to pass by and new challenges were laid before me. God began stretching me in the areas of forgiveness, submission, and conflict resolution. When I say stretching I mean stretching, like the salt water taffy on that metal machine where the taffy gets puled and stretched over and over again. There were days when I wanted to scream "I can't do this" at my small group leader as she would gently say, "Let's look at what the word says." I wanted to scream at God saying, "How can you ask me to do this? Don't you know how they have hurt me. Forgive them?? They should be asking for my forgiveness." Yet He lovingly continued to show up in His word, at my small group, during my quiet/still prayer time with Him, through others, during worship time, in the car, in the pastor's sermons on Sunday, and in nature (the cardinal came back, along with a female). I had a choice, listen and obey or keep doing things my way. So I prayed and asked Him to give me strength. And He did.

In December I walked in His obedience. We attended the church my husband chose for us (and I love it) and I forgave and loved on the very family members who had hurt me for years. I listened and He spoke. I obeyed and He took over. I walked and He moved. And I was set free and blessed by it all.

And He was not done. After all of this took place He also opened another door for mission work for me. One beyond my dreams or expectations. Mission work, one of the 'areas' I had surrendered while doing my bible study lesson weeks prior. I learned that before He could fufill one of my dreams there were some other areas in my life He needed to refine and put to the test. Areas that needed to reflect Him and not me and my flesh. Areas that needed purified and 'cleaned up.' Areas were I needed to trust Him and give him a chance to work.

As we enter a new year I am so grateful for all He has taken me through. One of my resolutions was to leave any 'old baggage' in 2008 as I move forward. I look forward to the days ahead and invite you to look forward to them too.

Kim is a woman who loves the Lord and has a burden for the abandoned, the orphaned, and the forgotten. She has been called to minister to the people and children of Romania where she was "forever ruined" in Christ for the people. At home she cares for her three children and her husband John. She also loves prophetic worship and writing for the Lord.

Counting Down

The countdown has begun . . . I leave for Romania in one month. A friend asked "Do you still have some room in your suitcase for supplies?" My reply, "So far I only have $265 in donations and a bag of thermometers, yes there is plenty of room."

One month away and each day as I open the empty mailbox it is as though I can hear a voice saying, "Do you trust me?"

Honestly my response is, "Yes I do."

Eighteen years ago the Lord laid a country and His hurting people on my heart. For years I prayed for Him to 'use' me to bring hope and change to the face of abuse and abandonment. And for years I was frustrated and puzzled as to why the doors did not open. And now here I stand, covered in His grace and love ready for all He has in store. Looking back . . . I was not ready. I believed in God and Jesus but I was not in a personal relationship with them. I had areas in my own personal life that needed healed and restored before I could help bring healing and restoration to other hurting people. I also had to learn about who God really was, why He sent His one and only son, and what being a 'follower of the way' was really about. I needed to open my mind and heart, accepting his love and forgiveness . . . forgiveness . . . especially learning how to love and forgive myself. As one wise mentor said, "When we do not accept His forgiveness and keep going back to our sin it is like saying His dying on the cross was not good enough."

( heartlight.org)

So today when I think about all He has done in my life, how He has equipped and prepared me for such a time as this, I can look at that empty mailbox and respond, "Yes I trust Him! And to this I shout, "Amen!"

Keep us in your prayers, Kim

I Don't Know the Difference

I asked God what would He want me to share here today. My mind is full of "surrender" themes as the column on the "Finding Freedom Through Surrender" is live.

For some reason, I keep coming back to two books by two different entertainers in the Christian circles. Both are very gifted in song and both have a past with at least a tinge of scandal attached to their name.

One difference between them is one I carried such a grudge, the other, not so much.

I remember even before I was a Christian I was critical of Amy Grant. I can't pinpoint it really, perhaps I perceived her looking too close to the world. Besides her music, I just didn't see much that set her apart from anyone else. Maybe I should have thought on that more. Yet when her marriage crumbled and I remembered watching The Nashville Network with her former husband breaking down in tears as he hosted the show and wore his heart on his sleeve, I made a vow that her music would never be a part of my life. I judged her in a heartbeat.

Sandi Patty was a voice I didn't really know until after I was a Christian. What a voice. There is no version like her Star Spangled Banner. None. I remember hearing a bit about her marriage breaking up and some scuttlebutt about it, yet I never batted an eye.

A year or more I read her book, Broken in the Back Row. She was quite candid about many things, including family issues that included a divorce and the reason behind it. Sandi Patty's music was never banned from my house.

I have no idea why I'm meant to post on this, I have nothing profound or "a ha" to offer you, but in obedience, I'm posting it. I don't get why I judged one so harshly and not the other, without truly knowing their backgrounds or them personally.

I read a few months ago, Amy Grant's book, Mosaic: Pieces of My Life So Far. Again, it was out of obedience. My ban on her felt steadfast. As I turned the pages, I felt grace take over. Again, I don't know her whole story. But I felt God's gentle tug tell me, let this grudge go. As I continued reading I saw love, compassion and mercy pour out. Not mine, hers! Her and her husband, by reading, seem to be extremely compassionate and giving people to an extent I doubt I'll ever reach. I remain humbled by the lessons I learned about myself through that book.

Last year I went to Women of Faith and heard Sandi share more of her story with an update. I was riveted because I know what it's like to be married to someone who had a wife before me. Although circumstances are a little different, Sandi shared that her step children's mom was quite ill. At the same time, I knew my step children's mom was not feeling great and I had been praying for her. In Sandi's story, the mom was healed by promotion to heaven. Sandi wrote and sang a song in memory. Can you imagine a dry eye in that place? Can you imagine serving so sacrificially to someone who shared such an intimate place in your love's life? It was a humbling testimony.

Anyway, I don't know why I act the way I do and treat one person different than the other. I can recommend both these books and I can say this---I don't know the difference, but I know what I need to see everything the same as God. Grace.

Have you visited Christian Women Take Root? The Narrow Gate Invites girls are not only involved in the social networking site with fantastic groups to join but the main site called Take Root and Write. Open House and regular columns are going on this week, check it all out. We'll see you there...and hey---if you have a blog, Take Root has a blog roll. Give your blog some exposure and be associated with a quality Christian site!

Julie Arduini is a surrendered writer with her own blog, http://thesurrenderedscribe.blogspot.com/. A graduate of the Christian Writers Guild, she blogs for the Christian Writers Forum Sundays as the mommy blogger. She is active with FaithWriters and has several writings ready to publish in different books and anthologies in 2008-09. To get to know her better, read her interview by Lynda Schab at:http://www.faithreaders.com/featured-author-details.php?id=33%20To contact Julie, please use the e mail provided in our profile.

No Record

No Record
Julie Originally posted at http://www.christianwritersforum.com/Blog May 4th, 2008

Psalm 130:3: “If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?"

1Corinthians 13: 4-5: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

We went out to dinner as a family moment before my husband left for a work trip. Of all the places to go, we chose McDonalds. I know, big shock with small kids, right? My order is standard, always the chicken wrap with barbeque sauce. Problem is,they don’t agree with me.

Case in point: last month I took the kids there for dinner and while talking along I let out a sound that I can’t even define as a burp because the humiliating act had an echo that turned heads. The kids cackled and cackled. They bring it up often, even during this most recent Golden Arches meal.

As our trip to the airport progressed, we paid tolls. I wasn’t even in my husband’s life then and even I recall the same story his older children told from years ago: he went to pay the automatic toll and missed the catch, dropping his money. After all this time, no one forgot.

Same for when we needed an elevator to get my husband to the correct gate. Even our oldest says, “remember when” and tells the tale of when my husband’s older children used to sit on elevator floors. My elevator recollection is from a few years ago when I was in a performance of “Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames”. My character perished in an elevator accident. If I ever hear the music that accompanied my dramatic death scene, I can assure you I’m off that real elevator!

Embarrassing sounds. Clumsy actions. Uncomfortable moments. Our kids don’t forget those times and most likely, spouses don’t either.

I’m so thankful to serve a God who does not keep a record of our wrongs. It isn’t because He’s ditsy and He forgot, it’s because He loves us so much He chooses not to. As Psalm 130 states, who could stand under such a recollection if the Lord did such a thing?

This week I’ve been watching online evenings on God.TV. services out of Lakeland, Florida. God is using a man the world would never think of because his record of shame is etched in his skin with colored ink. Todd Bentley by his own account was saved in his drug dealer’s trailer. He used to cut himself and was an alcoholic.

Then Jesus came.

I blush over a traffic stopping burp. Todd Bentley remembers the smells and sounds of artificial highs. Perhaps your account of deeds lie somewhere in the middle. No matter what you’ve done, are doing, or are even tempted to do, you can live a true clean slate free of shame.
Call on the Lord today. The Lord who forgives. The Lord who is Love.

The Lord who keeps no record of wrongs.

Julie Arduini is a surrendered writer with her own blog, http://thesurrenderedscribe.blogspot.com/. A graduate of the Christian Writers Guild, she blogs for the Christian Writers Forum Sundays as the mommy blogger and is the Forum's book club facilitator. She is active with FaithWriters and has several writings ready to publish in different books and anthologies in 2008-09. To get to know her better, read her interview by Lynda Schab at: http://www.faithreaders.com/featured-author-details.php?id=33%20
To contact Julie, please use the e mail provided in our profile.