Holding On

Well, once again I am going back on my promise…

I started a series of blogs last week that outline my salvation experience. I will continue them next week, I promise…again…

The words that the Lord has put on my heart this week take precedence, I hope you’ll agree—
I didn’t read Kim and Julie’s entries from last week until the other day.

When I read Julie’s “Do you trust Him now?”, my heart began to pound out of my chest. I thought, “She has days of unbelief, too?” Right in front of my eyes, she was reading my mind….

And Kim was reading deep into my heart with her “Help Me In My Unbelief!” words.
We were all having the same kind of days, and we hadn’t shared our thoughts with one another.
I was feeling so very weary and tired; I didn’t know where God was or how I was going to begin to look for Him again.

It was not a coincidence that we were all feeling the same way all week…
When you know God, there are no coincidences.
As usual, He was teaching us through our doubt and weariness.
He set this all up.
It’s part of His plan.

He knew we would all be writing together at this time, and we would stumble on the fact that we all waver from our trust and belief in Him.
And He knew you would be reading this, right on time.
His time.

As Kim and I spoke on the phone about how we were all feeling the same way, the lyrics of Shawn McDonald’s song “Hold On” were resounding in my soul…

Another day gone by
And again I ask myself the questions why
I question my sanity
And why I believe what I believe
Some might think that I’m crazy
For believing in something I cannot see
Deep deep down I know
Yes I know you are for real

So won’t you now, hold on to me?
Hold on
Hold on to me
Please don’t let me go-no no
Cause I am prone to wander
Prone to leave this faith I know-
Hold on Hold on Hold on to me
Hold on

And I realized that He is holding on to us. He never let go. He never said we wouldn’t get weary or tired or doubt….
He never said this was going to be easy,
But I know He doesn’t want us to make it so hard.

He said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt 11:28.)

He also said…
“I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea, and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”(Matt 21:21)

He knew we would get weary.
He knew we would have burdens.
Believe.
Have faith.
Do not doubt.
Rest in Him.

Pray.

I can only speak for myself when I say I definitely do not spend enough time in prayer and asking the Lord for my needs.

As a wife and mother, I am very good at petitioning the Lord for my husband and my children, but when it comes to my needs and desires, I most often put them aside.

As women, we know we must take care of ourselves in order to take care of our families, so we must take time to put words to our wants and desires, as well as our fears and pains.
And give them all to Him.

My challenge for all of us is this—
The next time we realize we are in a state of unbelief, without hesitation, before the weariness sets in,
We must go to Him in prayer, and be confident that He’s holding on.

Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy. Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program. Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis. She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia. She is also a contributing author at www.mommiesmagazine.com. Maria is very passionate about getting the word out to special parents that they are not alone in their journey of raising their special child; and that they were chosen by God to parent their children. Maria welcomes comments and communication as well as invitations for her to speak to your group.

Help Me In My Unbelief!

Well it has been a week since my last post and I still feel raw, uncertain, and am swirling in my belief. I have surrendered to the words prophesied over me concerning His call to a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him but honestly I'm just not so sure of how to get there. I feel like I'm standing on a street corner knowing where I am supposed to go but really having no idea how to get there. I have thought about calling my mentors, asking for guidance and direction, but deep inside I feel like the 'man who refuses to stop and ask for directions'. I think I am supposed to 'find my way' on my own. How scary is that!

So I sit and ponder, think and pray, and yet I find myself like doubting Thomas or the man found in Mark 9:24 which says, "Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" And then I want to smack myself! All it takes is a walk outside or a moment sitting in the sunshine to know that there is a creator and yet I still waver in this unbelief. It is as though my unbelief lies in trying to understand 'how' I can have this amazing relationship with someone I cannot see . . . I want to see like Thomas! At this point I can feel some of my mentors smacking me now!

And then He takes me to the cross.

And I think, "How can I question?"

Kim

Do you trust Him now?

It's a busy week here on the heels of Memorial Day so I don't have anything profound for you, but something I think I'm meant to share. Because even though I feel like it is just me that struggles with this, probably not.





I don't trust God.





It hurts my heart to even write that, but it's true. I can pray and believe in mountain moving faith for basically anyone in Jesus'name, but for me?





It's a struggle.





My most recent experience was yesterday. My mom is in town, son has a concert, there are swim lessons, and other activities after a weekend of illness. I am not a spontaneous person by nature and I get a little freaked when my husband throws a new plan at me. I'm getting better but still, when he greets me with "I have to tell you something" my stomach sinks.





This time he called me on his way to work to let me know he went forward with an idea we'd been tossing around and researched together. We basically came to a decision but I had one more place I wanted him to check out. He did and turned out that was the best deal. So, the people were coming the next day. Sometime between 8-4.





I grew up watching my parents lose time from work because of the cable or gas man coming between that fantasy 8-4 that never came to pass. Oh woman of great faith, you'd think I'd dismiss those memories. I embraced them, wondering the rest of the day and night how I'd fare with my day shot waiting for someone that would never come.





I wake up and casually say to my husband, "Do you think I should call the cable company to confirm they are actually coming?" He gave a kind but emphatic no. He announced, "They will be here."





Right. While I miss a needed work out, a Bible study, writing time (no internet while I wait).





8:17.





The cable guy came.





8:17 AM, by the way.





My husband asked as the man was diligently working on our request what I was feeling. I told him I feel like the Verizon commercial, but God is the one wearing the black specs asking,





"Do you trust Me now?"





My reading today is out of Mark 9 and boy can I relate. With hourly raising gas prices and other things on my mind, I still struggle. I want to trust Him, He should have earned that at the Cross. Like the father in Mark 9 I confess,





"I believe but help my unbelief!"





Can you relate?

Julie Arduini is a surrendered writer with her own blog, http://thesurrenderedscribe.blogspot.com/. A graduate of the Christian Writers Guild, she blogs for the Christian Writers Forum Sundays as the mommy blogger and is the Forum's book club facilitator. She is active with FaithWriters and has several writings ready to publish in different books and anthologies in 2008-09. To get to know her better, read her interview by Lynda Schab at: http://www.faithreaders.com/featured-author-details.php?id=33%20

To contact Julie, please use the e mail provided in our profile.