All or Nothing

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It has been weeks, too many weeks, since I had the strength to sit down long enough to focus my thoughts and write. My mind and thought life have been a battlefield. It is as though I am fighting in the front lines and honestly, there have been times when I wanted to pull the white flag out of my pocket and give up. But I didn't, and I won't.

I have come to a place in my walk that He either is or He isn't. Black or white, no gray in between. For me, it is all or nothing. I either walk in His fullness or not walk at all.

A few weeks ago I had a difficult situation occur in my life where I had a choice to make. Was I going to put my hope and faith in what God says in His word or was I going to rely on what the world was telling me? The situation was very close to my heart and my mind raced constantly. Day and night I would re-wind and re-play all that had happened over and over again like a broken record. I kept thinking about it, talking about it, and thinking about it some more. I was making myself crazy!! I went to God, gave it to Him, but then moments later I would pick it back up again. I would talk to my husband, whose wisdom lined up with the word of God, and still, I could not shut my mind off. I prayed and prayed, cried, and worried. I knew then that I had a choice to make. Did I truly believe?

I asked myself . . . did I really believe in this God who I sang to and worshipped at church on Sunday? Did I really believe that His son walked the earth among common people 2,000 years ago and died for me? Did I really believe in the Holy Spirit? Did I believe that He dwells in me, leads me and guides me? If I didn't then what was I doing.

Then I read John 14.

Sure . . . I was going to church, volunteering my time, reading my bible, praying occassionally but I was missing it!! I was missing who He is, why Jesus came, the power of the Holy Spirit, . . . it was like I was dabbling in it but not submerging myself. I was like the child at the seashore running in the water a bit then running back out. I had to take the plunge!

All or nothing, it is who I am. I am praying that my days ahead are filled with Him. Today is a new day, time to immerse myself in Him. To the world I may begin to look like a freak, one who is 'out there' but for me, I have no other choice. I cannot continue to stand where the waves of this life toss me around and try to cloak me in discouragement and defeat. I have to believe with my whole heart, my whole being. I have to stand in who I am and who He is. All or nothing, for me there is no other choice.

Kim

Holding On

Well, once again I am going back on my promise…

I started a series of blogs last week that outline my salvation experience. I will continue them next week, I promise…again…

The words that the Lord has put on my heart this week take precedence, I hope you’ll agree—
I didn’t read Kim and Julie’s entries from last week until the other day.

When I read Julie’s “Do you trust Him now?”, my heart began to pound out of my chest. I thought, “She has days of unbelief, too?” Right in front of my eyes, she was reading my mind….

And Kim was reading deep into my heart with her “Help Me In My Unbelief!” words.
We were all having the same kind of days, and we hadn’t shared our thoughts with one another.
I was feeling so very weary and tired; I didn’t know where God was or how I was going to begin to look for Him again.

It was not a coincidence that we were all feeling the same way all week…
When you know God, there are no coincidences.
As usual, He was teaching us through our doubt and weariness.
He set this all up.
It’s part of His plan.

He knew we would all be writing together at this time, and we would stumble on the fact that we all waver from our trust and belief in Him.
And He knew you would be reading this, right on time.
His time.

As Kim and I spoke on the phone about how we were all feeling the same way, the lyrics of Shawn McDonald’s song “Hold On” were resounding in my soul…

Another day gone by
And again I ask myself the questions why
I question my sanity
And why I believe what I believe
Some might think that I’m crazy
For believing in something I cannot see
Deep deep down I know
Yes I know you are for real

So won’t you now, hold on to me?
Hold on
Hold on to me
Please don’t let me go-no no
Cause I am prone to wander
Prone to leave this faith I know-
Hold on Hold on Hold on to me
Hold on

And I realized that He is holding on to us. He never let go. He never said we wouldn’t get weary or tired or doubt….
He never said this was going to be easy,
But I know He doesn’t want us to make it so hard.

He said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt 11:28.)

He also said…
“I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea, and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”(Matt 21:21)

He knew we would get weary.
He knew we would have burdens.
Believe.
Have faith.
Do not doubt.
Rest in Him.

Pray.

I can only speak for myself when I say I definitely do not spend enough time in prayer and asking the Lord for my needs.

As a wife and mother, I am very good at petitioning the Lord for my husband and my children, but when it comes to my needs and desires, I most often put them aside.

As women, we know we must take care of ourselves in order to take care of our families, so we must take time to put words to our wants and desires, as well as our fears and pains.
And give them all to Him.

My challenge for all of us is this—
The next time we realize we are in a state of unbelief, without hesitation, before the weariness sets in,
We must go to Him in prayer, and be confident that He’s holding on.

Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy. Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program. Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis. She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia. She is also a contributing author at www.mommiesmagazine.com. Maria is very passionate about getting the word out to special parents that they are not alone in their journey of raising their special child; and that they were chosen by God to parent their children. Maria welcomes comments and communication as well as invitations for her to speak to your group.