Journey to Salvation: Part Three

Journey to Salvation Part Three

Did you miss Parts one and two? Click on the links to catch up!

http://thenarrowgateinvites.blogspot.com/2008/05/journey-to-salvation-part-one.html

http://thenarrowgateinvites.blogspot.com/2008/06/journey-to-salvation-part-two.html

So—
I was in a fog, trying to keep up with my home, my job, and my daughter’s new world of therapy…
I knew there must be a way to survive all of this, but I couldn’t find it anywhere.
I spent most of my days in depression—I was very good at making the world around me think that everything was OK, but I was falling apart on the inside.

The texture of my heart was different.
It hurt and I didn’t think it would ever heal.

So I began going to Catholic mass again, searching for some sign from God that He was real. Week after week, I was seeking after an answer for all of this pain. I sought counseling from my priest only to find out things on the surface that I already knew. I wanted some solid evidence that this pain was worth it somehow-- That my pain was for a purpose.

All this time, my husband did not go to church with me—he was not interested in learning more about a God that had allowed this to happen to his baby girl.

He was angry with God, and he didn’t know how to fix this.

Then one day he said to me, “I saw this motivational speaker on TV last night, you should look him up, and he really made a lot of sense.” He gave me the man’s name, and I was so out of it, I didn’t really give it much thought.

Then one Sunday morning, the TV was on, and my husband that had no interest in learning more about God said, “This is the man I was telling you about.”


The man was Joel Osteen.


I said to him, “Do you realize he’s talking about the Bible?”
He said, “Yes, I know, he’s very real---he makes the Bible make sense.”

I was so intrigued by the fact that this man had hit something inside my husband, and I had to hear more of him.

I watched him for a few weeks, and almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing…

Then one Sunday his message was about worry.
I thought, “Oh, this is my specialty. I know all there is to know about worry. I worry all the time; it’s one of the things that makes me a good Mom.”

Then he started talking about how God never intended for us to worry.
He quoted scripture that stated, “Do not worry about anything, pray about everything.”

I couldn’t believe that the Bible actually had those exact words in it.
I learned at a very young age that the more you loved someone, the more you worried about them.
That belief was now being tested.

I was standing in my kitchen, weeping.

At the end of his message, he invited his audience to say a simple prayer to ask Jesus into their hearts.
In the midst of my tears, I thought to myself---
“It can’t be this simple. This Truth that I had never heard of is just one prayer away?”

I had been searching for something to make my heart whole again, and I finally found it.

His name is Jesus.

Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy. Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program. Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis. She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia. She is also a contributing author at www.mommiesmagazine.com. Maria is very passionate about getting the word out to special parents that they are not alone in their journey of raising their special child; and that they were chosen by God to parent their children. Maria welcomes comments and communication as well as invitations for her to speak to your group.

Journey to Salvation: Part Two

Did you miss Part One? Catch up with the link below:

http://thenarrowgateinvites.blogspot.com/2008/05/journey-to-salvation-part-one.html

Journey to Salvation Part Two

So, as my husband and I were all of a sudden swept into an emotional roller coaster, we didn’t know how to function….
Our Olivia spent the next ten days in a pediatric ICU, with many moments of uncertainty for her future.
Still, I had no point of reference of even how to begin to cry out to God for help.
I almost felt guilty trying to speak to Him, since I never really had before.

She came home on anti-seizure medication, because once she came off of the ventilator, she began having seizures. Her brain was responding to the trauma that it endured from the period of time it was without oxygen.

There we were, in the midst of what I call “survival mode.” We were trying to learn and understand how to go about our lives, and take care of her and her big brother in the meantime.

The physicians reassured us that she would be ok long term, and her brain was without oxygen for an ‘insignificant’ period of time.
In between staring at her sleeping, and hovering over her constantly in my state of constant worry; I realized over the months that followed her discharge that her left hand was always fisted. Her pediatrician dismissed my worries, and insisted I was being overly cautious.
Then, by the time she was 8 months old, I demanded we get an occupational therapy evaluation; as it’s main focus is fine motor/hand skills.
The energy that allowed my husband and I to function during these months came from adrenaline, and our love for her. We wanted to be angry that this had happened, but we didn’t have time—we had to keep moving.
Then, during a routine visit with her neurologist, he said the words that I can still hear so very clearly, “We don’t know how long her brain was without oxygen, so I am going to write down in her chart that she has cerebral palsy; for insurance purposes.”

“Cerebral Palsy?” I said. “How does one get cerebral palsy?” My head was spinning.

I know driving home from this appointment, through my tear-soaked face I thought, “I don’t know how to do this. I can’t take care of a physically disabled child. God, please help me.”

Our days became filled with more therapy and doctor appointments, and I fell into a depression, because all I could do was live in fear for her future. I couldn’t see how anything positive could come from this. I spent most days focusing on her limitations, rather than her strengths.
I was now a mother of a child with cerebral palsy—and I was spiraling in a downward motion; not knowing where I was going to land.

I was raised Catholic, so I began going to church again—week after week, I was searching for God.
I thought daily, “Where is He? Who is He? Does He even hear me? I need some kind of hope, or I am literally going to have a nervous breakdown….”

Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy. Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program. Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis. She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia. She is also a contributing author at www.mommiesmagazine.com. Maria is very passionate about getting the word out to special parents that they are not alone in their journey of raising their special child; and that they were chosen by God to parent their children. Maria welcomes comments and communication as well as invitations for her to speak to your group.

Rainbow Encouragement

(photo by Maria Spencer copyright 2008)

I’ve always loved rainbows. Even before I knew the things of God, I knew there was something very special about rainbows. Their pure hues of vibrant colors have always served as a sign of hope deep within my spirit.

Then once I came to know the Lord, I realized why I always felt connected to rainbows.

“Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.” (Gen. 9:14)

So what is this covenant and what does it mean in our lives?To me, rainbows represent this covenant from God, that He is working in our lives, and He knows just when to send color to our gray days.

I believe He sometimes sends an actual rainbow in the sky to display His greatness and His promise, but I also feel sometimes He sends us pieces of His rainbows through other means.

My five-year-old daughter is a person with hemiplegic cerebral palsy (the muscles on the left side of her body are tighter than ours). Because of a trauma she experienced as an infant, her body is the way it is. My husband and I have always searched and fought for what treatments and services that we felt were best for her. No matter how much faith we have, sometimes we still doubt whether or not all of our decisions will shape her future for the better.

The other day, I was having a gray kind of day—thoughts of doubts and worry regarding her care were coming at me full speed. I was in desperate need of a sign that we were going in the right direction. Then out of nowhere, I felt compelled to go and look out my back window. There, in beautiful shades of purple, green, yellow and red, was the awesome rainbow pictured above.
Then I heard, “It’s going to be OK, have hope-- hope in Me –I will take care of her. You are doing a good job. Keep believing”—Firm, yet gentle words that could only be from the voice of my heavenly father. In an instant, my breathing became easier, my mind was now clear. His covenant with me and my life was ever present in the form of this beautiful rainbow.

And if that wasn’t enough, He sent another rainbow.
This time, it came in the form of a person on the page of a magazine.
Her name is Abbey Curran.
She is “Miss Iowa” and recently competed in the Miss USA Pageant.
She looks like all of the other beauty queens-except for one detail.
She is a person with cerebral palsy.
A co-worker of mine put an article on my desk, which revealed details about her life, her upbringing, and how she never gave up on her dreams just because she had a physical disability.

This rainbow shone even brighter than the one I saw in the sky two days earlier.
As a Mother, I have had hopes and dreams for my daughter’s life hidden deep within my heart, because only the Lord knows what her future holds.
But on the pages of this magazine, He displayed His covenant with me ever so clearly.
Abby Curran’s life and achievements are a pure sign from Him that those dreams I’ve held on to for my daughter can become a reality.
She will always be an inspiration to me and my family.

So the next time I’m having a gray, cloudy kind of day, I will be able to see the bright, vivid colors of my daughter’s rainbow in Abbey Curran’s smile.

Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy. Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program. Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis. She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia. She is also a contributing author at www.mommiesmagazine.com. Maria is very passionate about getting the word out to special parents that they are not alone in their journey of raising their special child; and that they were chosen by God to parent their children. Maria welcomes comments and communication.