I Saw What I Saw

There is a beautiful song by Sara Groves called I Saw What I Saw. The words go like this . . .

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

These words describe how I am feeling today, yesterday, and on many other days.

In 1990, my cozy world was disrupted by a 20/20 documentary about the institutionalized children of Romania. For years I have followed the news reports, web sites, and stories of the 'forgotten' children. In addition, in 1998 my husband and I traveled to Romania to bring our first and oldest son home. He was 21 months old, living in a state run instituition. He is now a handsome, smart, and amazing boy who is almost as tall as I am!

Over the years I could never forget what I saw, heard, and felt concerning the children of Romania. I have searched my heart, cried out to God, and continued to pray about how He can use me for His kingdom. This weekend I was doing some more research on-line and found a few videos and reports I had not seen before. Once again, my heart is broken and I'm not sure what to do. The tears continue to flow and I am on my knees crying out to Him because . . .

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

In His Name, Kim

The videos mentioned are:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5mZcNmE11s
http://www.abandonedtkids.com/ - scroll to the bottom and click.

On my personal blog, divingintohisgrace.blogspot.com I am currently journaling about Kay Warren's book Dangerous Surrender on Thursdays. I am also going to begin journaling about our adoption journey with our son. Please join me! Thanks for reading and entering through the narrow gate.

Do You Have A Strong Will?

heartlight.org

Our small group meets at my house on Wednesday nights. We are a group of 'newer' believers who are hungry for God. Our facilitator, Cindy, has been a Christian for many, many years and every week we challenge her with lots of questions. This week we started discussing 'The Will of God.'

When thinking about the will of God for my life I often imagined a narrow path. It was one that I was to carefully walk on and if I stepped off I would fall into this dark abyss like an old sci-fi movie. I often walked in fear and found myself almost paralized when making decisions concerning the direction I was to take. Well last night my whole 'sci-fi' vision of the will of God was rocked and I am so thankful!

We discussed the law of God and the will of God. The law of God is what God demands of us. It is the law, we have no choice. Hmmm . . . no choice. Our human flesh may not like these words. We like to be in control, to have choice, we do not want anyone telling us how to live our lives! But think about it. God has laws just like our communities and our homes. We all have rules to follow so that everyone stays safe and can live in harmony. God wants us to live in peace and harmony too. The will of God is different. It is what God wants for my life, it is His preference, and within that there is choice. Our pastor says, "It is God's desire revealed." Wow, those are some big words to take in. His desire revealed. He has a desire, a preference of how I live and walk out my life. My first reaction is to run and hide like Adam and Eve in the garden. Are you kidding me? I could never live up to His desire for my life! But when I stop for a moment I am reminded that He created me, He equipped me, He placed gifts and talents inside me, He gave me my heart filled with passion for His kingdom, and He promises to lead me, guide me, and walk with me. So what am I so afraid of? It is really not that difficult. His will, two words, when put together are amazing!

His will for our lives is not as difficult as we make it or hard to find. It is not a narrow path or a detailed blueprint that is too hard for us to follow. For me it is looking within my heart and His, listening for His voice, and walking the walk He has called me to walk. He has a strong will for my life and He has one for yours too.

Be blessed! Kim

(I want to thank my pastor and shepherd for his words, guidance, and direction with today's post. You are a blessing!)

Happy Birthday Julie!

Today is Julie's birthday. It is time to celebrate! And since the narrow gate girls are writers my gift to her today is a gift of words. (After small group last night I planned on running out and buying her a little gift . . . well, you know how that goes - my kids are home for spring break, my group was here until 9:00, and so here goes.)

I met Julie at a women's retreat two years ago. Since then we have crossed paths at a Y bible study, in the child care room, and an occassional 'pizza' date here and there. Since I have two friends named Julie my husband calls her Pizza Julie. Most of our communication is done on-line since we both are notorious for losing our phones or letting the batteries run out. We laugh, cry, encourage, and have fun with one another.

Julie . . .the words that come to mind are spirit-filled writer, wife, mother, friend, and child of the Most High. You are an encourager, teacher, and mentor who sees things in others that they may not see in themselves. I love your honesty, your wit, and your faith in us. You have inspired me to go through the narrow gate even though I kept holding onto the 'door frame' because I felt unworthy. I thank the Lord for you and our friendship. You are a true blessing!

Happy Birthday! Kim

P.S.) No re-gifting!!! See previous post.

Accepting the Gift

heartlight.org

Our daughter is four and no matter what her day is about, no matter what you might be talking about, she is going to bring it back to one thing: her birthday. She started planning her fifth birthday on her literal fourth birthday. She loves all aspects of the birthdays, especially receiving presents.

This year I've read a lot about the poverty spirit. In Bible study at the Y we're reading Superatural Ways of Royalty: Discovering Your Rights and Privileges of Being a Son or Daughter of God by Kris Valloton and Bill Johnson. On my personal blog I share my thoughts Mondays on Joy Chickonoski's Becoming Lovers: The Journey from Disciple of Christ to Bride of Christ. In essence, I'm reading and believing that the poverty is a lifestyle that robs you or God's best. It works in false humility. God wants to bless His people. Does it mean we should all pray for a new Lexus or second home in the Hamptons? No, but this book showed me I've been living in poverty.

I'm rejecting gifts.

When I reject gifts, I'm ultimately rejecting the Giver.

I'll be transparent enough to share that my lack of accepting good things went as deep as regifting. It wasn't because I owed someone else a gift and had that one on hand, it was more that I would receive such nice things I felt uncomfortable receiving them. I felt unworthy. I treated beautiful things that were given with love as a hot potato. I couldn't get rid of them fast enough.

The truth is, I am unworthy, we all are. What we forget is grace took care of that on the Cross. When we get a promotion, when someone gives us something, when we have the opportunity to do, see and experience things that are a result of God's blessing, it's okay to receive. In fact, embrace the gift.

Too often we view God as a task master who withholds. That's what the devil (I prefer to call him the defeated one) would like you to believe. Your Heavenly Father wants you to feel like a princess because you are His and He loves you. He wants to love on you and lavish on you in many ways. And for me, some of those ways He loves on me is through others.

I believe we are entering a season where the prayers we've prayed for a long time are about to come to pass. I think we are going to see loved ones enter into a relationship of faith in Christ that we wondered if it would ever take place, there will be healings, returns of prodigals, a complete turn around in thinking and choices among the hurting, and an abundant time of blessings and provision that will go against every news report you read.

I don't want to miss out on that by passing any gifts that have my name on to someone else. It's time I seize the blessings God is giving. I may not turn into my daughter with a list a mile long of what she'd like, but I should take a cue from her when I do receive something--whether a tangible gift or an experience God designed just for me.

I should say thank you.

And accept it.

No re gifting!

Julie Arduini is a surrendered writer with her own blog, http://thesurrenderedscribe.blogspot.com/. A graduate of the Christian Writers Guild, she blogs for the Christian Writers Forum Sundays as the mommy blogger and is the Forum's book club facilitator. She is active with FaithWriters and has several writings ready to publish in different books and anthologies in 2008-09. Julie was chosen as the March 2008 FaithReaders.com author of the month. To get to know her better, read her interview by Linda Schab at: http://www.faithreaders.com/featured-author-details.php?id=33%20To contact Julie, please contact her at the e mail address provided in the profile. It's her birthday today and she plans to enjoy the day!

Believe

I heard Christian singer/songwriter Mark Schultz say recently about a particular song he wrote, “Next to the song title it states that it is written by me, but I didn’t write it the words-God did, I just happened to be in the room at the time.”

That’s exactly how I feel about almost every article I’ve written. I don’t have a background or education in journalism or writing, and prior to three years ago, I had never had the desire to write at all.

Until one day He gave me the idea. Almost instantly, I had the desire and confidence to start writing. A “wow” moment like that can only come from God. He not only placed the desire in my heart, He gave me the words He knows people need to hear---and He continues to give them to me month after month, week after week….

Now I’m sure some of you are thinking, “God could never use me, I don’t have anything to offer…He would never speak to me like that.”

Has God been telling you to do something you don’t feel qualified to do?

What is it that you started to do that you know could have only come from His strength and His love, and His guidance? Have you had “ideas” come to you that make no sense to your natural mind?

If He gave you the calling, He will see you through.

He will give you what you need—strength, courage, endurance, peace.

He did it for Gideon.

He did it for me.

He will do it for you.

Trust Him.

Believe.

Maria and her family reside in NE Ohio. She and her husband are the parents of two. Their daughter is a person with hemipelegic cerebral palsy. Because of her experiences, Maria provides parent-to-parent support for families involved in her local early intervention program. Her gift for writing has come directly from the Lord since her daughter’s diagnosis. She writes a monthly column entitled, “Special Parents, Special Kids” for the Mahoning Valley Parent magazine in Ohio; and has expanded into Parent magazines in parts of Pennsylvania and West Virginia. She is also a contributing author at www.mommiesmagazine.com. Maria is very passionate about getting the word out to special parents that they are not alone in their journey of raising their special child; and that they were chosen by God to parent their children. Maria welcomes comments and communication. If you would like to talk to her, please e-mail her. Our e mail address is in our profile.

The Welcome Mat

Like Kim, I remain mesmerized by the Passion Play performances I was able to watch from Palm Sunday through Resurrection Sunday. Each year the Lord gives me something new to really think and pray on, and this year is no different.

At the end of the play a veiled curtain comes down to show flashback scenes between Jesus, the woman caught in adultery, and the thief on the cross who believed. In front of the curtain are these folks in heaven wearing white robes. The thief lived a no good life and only in his last breaths did he believe.

Jesus was waiting with open arms.

The woman caught in adultery perhaps had years of service to the Lord but still, especially back then, you were to die for such a choice. Yet there she was in heaven, greeting Jesus.

He was waiting with open arms.

The song that plays during this exchange asks how did you get here and their answer is "By the Way of the Cross." There truly was no other way for them, or for me.

Somehow my thoughts took me to a welcome mat. In a worldly sense, had we known these folks, my guess is few of us would extend the welcome mat to them, then or now. A thief? What if he takes our things? What if he smells? He doesn't talk like our friends, he'll embarrass us.

An adulteress? What if she makes a pass at my spouse or son? What if she dresses in my clothes and uses my jewelry? What if she starts telling people her past?

Although the path to eternal life is a narrow gate, once you make that decision for Christ, His arms are wide open and the welcome mat is put out with no reservations.

Can I say the same? Can you?

A month or so ago I was speaking with someone whose church family is going through a pastoral transition. This person asked for advice and I was very candid about what I would look for. My list was so specific that they took it to the meeting and utilized it. One board member objected to one thing I brought up.

Is your church, would this pastor be ready and willing for the prostitute, the heroin addict, the pornographer to enter? I ask because with all my heart, I think Jesus is preparing the church for an outpouring of folks who have lived differently than most of us, and they are hungry for His love.

Would you extend the welcome mat?

This board member apparently shared that as a church, they needed to think about their reputation and if that a potential pastor wants to embrace "those people" well then they would have to reject that candidate.

My take is, you can dress sin up in a three piece suit, but it's still sin.

I want to be the Christian that doesn't just put the welcome mat out, but extends my hand. That I welcome the prosititute, the special needs child the adults don't know how to tolerate, the single parent, the gambler, the ex con, the porn addict, the porn star, the abortionist, the white collar executive who cheats on his taxes, the wife who cheats on her husband, and the board member too scared of change and personifies what I see as a religious spirit.

Am I there? I'd like to think so. I was feeling pretty good when I was at McDonalds and sat next to two teens dressed in Goth who mocked us when we prayed over our meal. I didn't sneer or hold my breath when a man came in who had old clothes and poor hygiene walked by and it was impossible to not notice.

Then today my neighbor shared that the house next door, now vacant, appears to have lost a potential tenant that sounded promising. The last family that came in was very loud, disruptive, and in situations that put the neighbors in possible danger. With the new tenant not moving in, the owner apparently was asking my neighbor how we would all feel about bringing in low income rent to own families.

I panicked.

In a flash, I saw me taking my welcome mat and shoving it inside my house where everything feels comfortable and safe. My vision of a low income rent to own situation is stereotypical and I confess I picture chaos, unruly kids, many pets, and people who have no respect for others or things. I base this on the last family that came in and really it isn't fair.

We're going to be in for a lot of surprises, here on Earth and even in heaven. From everything I've read, serial killer Ted Bundy made an authentic transformation to follower of Christ before his execution. When he arrived in heaven, the welcome mat was out. This man has as much of a place at the banquet table with Jesus as Mother Teresa. Can you wrap your mind around that? Without His grace, it's impossible.

So I write this knowing my welcome mat needs work. When I get the heaven and someone says, "Friend, how did you get here?" Well maybe my past isn't as a stripper, a killer or a thief. But my ticket to eternal life was stamped just the same as anyone with that experience.

I came by the way of the Cross.

Where the welcome mat is out.

Julie Arduini is a surrendered writer with her own blog, http://thesurrenderedscribe.blogspot.com/. A graduate of the Christian Writers Guild, she blogs for the Christian Writers Forum Sundays as the mommy blogger and is the Forum's book club facilitator. She is active with FaithWriters and has several writings ready to publish in different books and anthologies in 2008-09. Julie was chosen as the March 2008 FaithReaders.com author of the month. To get to know her better, read her interview by Linda Schab at: http://www.faithreaders.com/featured-author-details.php?id=33%20
To contact Julie, please contact her at the e mail address provided in the profile.

Him or Me?

(www.heartlight.org)


The lights were dimmed, 'smog' filled the air, a spotlight was turned on, and the voice of John the beloved began to share his story. He was telling of our Savior, Jesus, and I was on the edge of my seat!

Tonight I experienced the sights, sounds, words, and emotions of my first 'Passion Play.' The greatest miracle of all time, 'the Word became flesh,' came to life before my eyes.

The play began with the Christmas story, one of beauty, hope, and peace. Mary and Joseph, the stable, the star, and a baby lying in a manger. The baby began to grow and soon He became a man. A common looking man, dressed in a cream colored robe, walking among the village people in his bare feet. He spoke of love and kindness as he laughed, hugged, and healed those who followed him. His friends were 'common' men and women living ordinary lives. They were fishing in the sea, collecting taxes, gathering water at the well, . . . The son of God, our Messiah, was living among them, teaching them, loving them. I kept thinking to myself, "Look at him! He could have come as a wealthy, worldly king but instead our King was walking among the people in his bare feet! I soon began to wonder how I would have thought and acted two thousand years ago. Would I have taken the time to make my way through the crowd to see who Jesus was or would I have been too busy? Would I have questioned like the high priests with words such as, "Why is He with them, I'm the one who goes to church every week and reads my bible?" Or would I have sat at His feet and listened to what He came to say? And when He was physically gone would I have kept His message to myself or shared it with others?

Two thousand and eight or two thousand years ago, the choices are the same. Am I taking the time to sit at His feet and listen or am I too busy? Am I truly in relationship with Him or am I just going through the motions? And while I am waiting for His return am I doing as He commanded or am I keeping the good news all to myself?

The passion play has left me with so much to think about!

Happy Easter!


Kim Zaksek lives in NE Ohio with her husband and three children. Kim has a heart for missions and a burden to make a difference for Christ for those the world abuses, forgets, ignores or abandons. She has traveled internationally to pursue that call on her life. She also has a heart for adoption. Kim just created a new personal blog of her own at http://divingintohisgrace.blogspot.com/ If you'd like to contact Kim please find our e-mail in the profile. Thanks!

Bold Like An Easter Egg Dip

Forgive me for my excitement over something so mundane but I have a confession---I don't eat eggs. Okay, I eat chocolate peanut butter eggs but not the real kind that you scramble. I'm so against eggs I never decorated them as an adult, that was a grandma special project when she came for a visit.

This year we had snow storm after snow storm and this last one occurred when my son had a friend visit for an overnight. We had traveling plans that I knew weren't going to happen. I saw the egg kit and went for it.

I can make things well from scratch but easy kit directions tend to stump me, so I read the egg kit decorations carefully. This is where I get excited.

To make bolder colors, add vinegar.

The longer you keep the egg dipped, the bolder the egg color becomes.

Vinegar isn't a liquid of choice. It smells and if you have to taste it, well it's bitter.

Just ask Jesus.

The vinegar stick they handed Him wasn't a soda. It wasn't intended to provide true relief.

Bold outcome calls for a long stay in bitter liquid. I can't think of anything more horrific than beating, mocking, whipping and lashing coming from leather strips with sharp blunt objects attached to expose not skin, but bone. That's quite a dip to stay in.

Yet how bold His color when He arose from the environment.

In 2003-4 our family was submerged in the vinegar of life. Job changes, abnormal newborn test results, medical mix up, doctor error, croup, near death, RSV, pneumonia, new job, move, terminal diagnosis in family, surgery for child, death of parent, grief, selling home in one state to buy home in another, leave everyone and everything to obey God's call on our life.

Last line sound familiar this most Holy Week?

If you are facing adversity, think about the decorated eggs. My very favorite ones are the bold and brilliant ones. The ones that carry the trace of vinegar because they stayed in the bitter stuff the longest.

And thrived.

Just like you can.

Just like He did.

For you.

Julie Arduini is a surrendered writer with her own blog, http://thesurrenderedscribe.blogspot.com/. A graduate of the Christian Writers Guild, she blogs for the Christian Writers Forum Sundays as the mommy blogger and is the Forum's book club facilitator. She is active with FaithWriters and has several writings ready to publish in different books and anthologies in 2008-09. Julie was chosen as the March 2008 FaithReaders.com author of the month. To get to know her better, read her interview by Linda Schab at: http://www.faithreaders.com/featured-author-details.php?id=33%20

To contact Julie, please contact her at the e mail address provided in the profile.